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NO SHIT IT'S HOT, IT'S FUCKING SUMMER. Pull yourself together, go find some shade, and kick back with spiked citrus iced tea.

SWEET TAP DANCING MOSES WHY IS IT SO HOT IN MAY? EARTH, YOU OKAY BUDDY? Keep your core temp down this unusually warm-as-balls spring with a bowl of our cold sesame noodles.

We love summer pies but some days are truly too fucking hot to bake. Enter our Peach Pie Smoothie. It’s loaded with belly-filling fiber, protein, and all the bells and whistles of peach pie without the oven, or extra calories.

Sure you could buy veggie sausage, shredded cheese, and only make the dough but if you've got some time its worth making this shit from scratch. Your wallet will thank you.

Sometimes we cook something as a clean-out-the-fridge-meal that is so accidentally amazing that we recreate it over and over again.

Hoppin’ John is not only a staple recipe for good fortune every New Year but it’s also a pretty solid fucking meal.

We know you need caffeine sometimes but don’t even fucking think about reaching for a RedBull or 5-Hour Energy. We’ll slap that shit out of your hand so quick you won’t know whatthefuck happened.

COLON CANCER AIN'T FUCKING AROUND. You gotta eat more broccoli bc it's like a toothbrush for your asshole. It's way more effective and a HELLUVALOT CHEAPER than a juice cleanse.

THIS IS A PEANUT BUTTER CUP IN THE SIZE YOU ALWAYS WANTED BUT WERE TOO ASHAMED TO ASK FOR DON'T WORRY YOU'RE NOT ALONE THERE ARE MILLIONS OF US OUT THERE PEANUT BUTTER CUP JUNKIES RISE UP