Crispy Crab(less) Cakes

To make the cakes, mix together the artichoke hearts, shallot, celery, lemon juice, flour, sugar, and seasonings in a large bowl. You wanna make sure you cut up everything nice and small so this batter sticks together and your patties don't fall apart while you're frying them. Too wet? Add a little more flour. Too dry? Add some water a teaspoon at a time until everything sticks together.

Ready to go? OK. Put the breading ingredients all in separate bowls in this order: flour, milk, then bread crumbs. Grab 1/4 of the crabless cake mixture and press it into a patty. You know whatthefuck we're talking about. Then gently place the patty in the flour bowl and coat it on all sides. Quickly place it in the milk bowl so that the flour looks wet or just spoon the milk over if you're struggling. Lastly place that patty in the breadcrumb bowl and coat it again on all sides. Set the prepared cakes in a plate or whatever until you're all done and ready to fry.

Grab a large cast-iron skillet or other heavy bottom fry pan and fill it up with at least 1/2 inch of oil. Warm it up over a medium-high heat (around 350-360 F on a deep-frying thermometer). Once the oil is ready to go, delicately place 2-3 cakes in the hot oil at a time. If you throw them all in at once you're gonna fuck your shit up so be patient. Fry them each about 4 minutes, flipping halfway through so that they get all nice and golden brown on all sides. Gently taken them out of the oil when they're golden brown and put them on a paper towel to remove all the excess oil while you fry up the rest of the crew. 

Serve immediately with the **Horseradish Dill Aioli on pg. 226 from Lauren's cookbook, Hot for Food

* This is a branded seasoning blend that is super popular in seafood dishes from the northeast. It'll be on the spice aisle, just look.