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COLON CANCER AIN'T FUCKING AROUND. You gotta eat more broccoli bc it's like a toothbrush for your asshole. It's way more effective and a HELLUVALOT CHEAPER than a juice cleanse.

Got some less-than-fresh veggies taking up valuable real estate in your fridge? Don’t toss them in the trash, roast those bitches. Just because something’s old doesn’t mean it’s worthless so CALL YOUR GRANDPARENTS.

Tired of the same old mayo-mess of pasta salad spoiling in the summer sun? Ditch that cream colored bullshit and get with this fiber rich son of a bitch.

Getting ready for Cinco de fucking Mayo?  This year you might make a couple shitty judgment calls but don’t start with your margarita mix. You see how many goddamn ingredients are in those fuckers? Red 40?

This recipe is a slushie we imagine drinking on some far-off beach with our abs glistening in the sun. Might as well have abs if we’re using our imaginations, right?

Five simple fucking ingredients in this shit right here. Whip up this high class cocktail when you're feelin sweaty but fancy. And no high-fructose fuckery either. Splash this with some vodka and UNLOCK MAX RELAX MODE.

Bread isn’t all that hard to make, it just involves some patience. If you struggle with patience then maybe baking isn’t your thing.

This jam is more of a scooper than a spreader, if ya pick up what we’re laying down.

Strawberry jam is a classic and *mostly* loved favorite. There is a small but very vocal percentage of people who don't like cooked fruit. That's fine but their loss.

You can still eat like a kid because NOSTALGIA ISN'T JUST FOR SHITTY MUSIC