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Repurposing Thanksgiving leftovers in a sandwich is so damn predictable. When you're cramming cold chaos between a couple slices of bread just to eat over the kitchen sink, you've given up.

Bet y’all didn’t know this culinary classic is actually the result of public schools trying to keep costs low while meeting the min nutritional mandates set by the federal govt after WWII.

BUFFALO HAVE BALLS NOT WINGS, so you know this meal is legit. When was the last time you had a kick in the fucking taste buds? These spicy sons of bitches are high in heat but low in fat because they’re baked not fried.

Stop fucking around with canned sodium soup that's tryna pass itself off as chili. You deserve something heartier, packed with protein, and full of fiber that's affordable.

COLON CANCER AIN'T FUCKING AROUND. You gotta eat more broccoli bc it's like a toothbrush for your asshole. It's way more effective and a HELLUVALOT CHEAPER than a juice cleanse.

Ya know how you lied and said you’d actually bring something to the party this time? FUCKING DO IT. Did someone else bring a pasta salad?

You’re not still fucking with some mayo-soaked pasta salad, right? Because that shit always gets left in the sun for the wasps. Fuck all that. Whip up a bowl of these next level noodles and start spring with SOME GODDAMN RESPECT FOR YOURSELF.