Recipes

Meet pesto's cousin that spent a semester abroad, chimichurri. This is the kinda shit you wanna serve just so you can say "with a chimichurri sauce" and you sound fancy af. NOW GO IMPRESS SOMEONE USING THE POWER OF SAUCE.

Alfredo should NEVER be bought. This is prob the easiest, simplest, and classiest sauce to make at home. It's usually got a shitload of fat tho, which is just unnecessary especially if you're pourin it over carbs.

Every holiday season someone brings a dry ass veggie platter with ranch to an office party. Sad. But you'd never bring that to a party.

CHILI VS. QUESO BATTLE IT OUT IN A GODDAMN DELICIOUS DUEL WHERE THE ONLY WINNER IS YOU

We don't need to sell y'all on gravy. This shit sells itself. Gravy is king of the holiday foods but great year-round on biscuits with some wilted greens. If you're lazy, just pour it on some toast.

Doesn't matter how much money you got in the bank or what you've got parked in the garage BUT IF YOU DON'T HAVE HOMEMADE FUDGE CHILLIN IN YOUR FRIDGE YOU'RE

GRAPEFRUIT HOT TODDY AKA HUG IN A MUG AKA DOCTORS ORDERS AKA COLD CRUSHER

This coulis has a shitload of vitamin C to upgrade any breakfast SO START YOUR DAY WITH SOME C SAUCE.

This holiday season don't just stay warm, PUT A ROARING FUCKING FIREPLACE IN YOUR GUT. BREATHE FIRE. SLAY THE HOLIDAYS. DRINK RESPONSIBLY BITCHES.

So you bought a pomegranate because it's in season but you dunno what the fuck do with it? SALAD SAUCE. Everybody needs to be eating more salad, make that shit extra fancy with this simple pomegranate vinaigrette. 

PUT.THE.FUCKING.CAN.OPENER.DOWN. Trust us on this shit. Just look at the sugar content in that canned cranberry crap THEN check the serving size. GODDAMN RIGHT?!

Are you tired of spending every Thanksgiving watching your family shove their hands up a dead bird’s ass? If only there was a better way...