Recipes

You mean to tell me there’s some motherfucker that builds toys in his house on a sheet of ice all year then delivers them in one night and you’re just gonna fucking offer him store-bought cookies?

You might be thinking rosemary and caramel corn might seem odd as hell together but that shit works. Unlikely combinations have given us such amazing things like Alien vs Predator. Or Freddy vs Jason. Or Batman and Scooby Doo.

Potatoes are just a suggestion cuz they're an easy party snack but this sauce is dope on almost everything. Spread it on a sandwich, serve it with some raw veggies, bread, whatever you’ve got.

From October to New Years this sweet and savory sauce gets drizzled on JUST.ABOUT.EVERY.GODDAMN.THING but especially fruit.

THIS FLU SEASON AIN'T FUCKIN AROUND AND YOU SHOULDN'T EITHER which is why you need a big bowl of our roasted tomato soup bc that canned soup ain't nothin but spoonfuls of sodium.

Summer is winding down but there’s still some sweet produce left out there. Go grab some goddamn nectarines and make this pasta while you still can, before all-pumpkin-everything season starts.

Don’t spend your Memorial Day weekend letting your creepy uncle serve limp hot dogs and hockey puck hamburgers.

Tired of the same old mayo-mess of pasta salad spoiling in the summer sun? Ditch that cream colored bullshit and get with this fiber rich son of a bitch.

How the fuck is Nature’s Valley still putting crumbs in bags and selling them as breakfast bars? Shit is disrespectful and a dry sponge would taste better than those crumb catastrophes. NOT OUR BARS.

You’re not still fucking with some mayo-soaked pasta salad, right? Because that shit always gets left in the sun for the wasps. Fuck all that. Whip up a bowl of these next level noodles and start spring with SOME GODDAMN RESPECT FOR YOURSELF.