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Everything is exhausting right now but chin up bitches bc COOKIES. These citrus poppy seed cookies are a refreshing summer snack for beating the heat or trying to ignore the headlines.

Don’t waste another Fall by settling for some lesser seasonal treat. That overhyped bullshit distracts from the real fucking reason for the season: DESSERT. Bake these bitches up and you’ll realize pumpkin is better chewed, not sipped.

Peach jam and pie can often get a bad rap because people love to pair super sweet peaches with tons of sugar and the result is cloying and hard to stomach. We can’t stand most store-bought peach stuff for that exact reason.

ANYBODY WHO SAYS YOU CAN'T EAT POPSICLES FOR BREAKFAST CAN FUCK ALL THE WAY OFF BC THESE FROSTY BOYS HAVE NO ADDED SUGAR SO TECHNICALLY IT'S A SMOOTHIE CHECKMATE BITCH

Once a year people do this weird thing and get all fucking jazzed about eating a big ass bird that looks like a poor-man’s peacock. If turkey really tasted that good then everyone would be cooking those fuckers year round.

Punch your way into the New Year with this glass of class. MAKE 2019 FEAR YOU ESTABLISH DOMINANCE EARLY.

Happy New Year's Bitches 

SWEET TAP DANCING MOSES WHY IS IT SO HOT IN MAY? EARTH, YOU OKAY BUDDY? Keep your core temp down this unusually warm-as-balls spring with a bowl of our cold sesame noodles.

If you’ve gone all summer without drinking a single slushie, take the rest of the day off and whip up this refreshing motherfucker right here.