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We know you need caffeine sometimes but don’t even fucking think about reaching for a RedBull or 5-Hour Energy. We’ll slap that shit out of your hand so quick you won’t know whatthefuck happened.

Why do coworkers always ask what you ate for lunch? LEVEL UP YOUR SMALL TALK PATRICK OR GO BACK TO YOUR CORNER IN HR. Anyways, here’s a recipe for a soba noodle salad that's so dope that it’s a worthy steal from the shared fridge.

This soup is hearty enough to fight off the last bits of cold weather but the lemon and dill make this shit feel bright and ready for spring. Never cooked with barley? Well this is a solid start for your uneducated ass. 

It’s cold as a motherfucker outside with no end in sight. So why not warm up with a big bowl of this liquid sunshine and start thawing from the inside out?

THIS FLU SEASON AIN'T FUCKIN AROUND AND YOU SHOULDN'T EITHER which is why you need a big bowl of our roasted tomato soup bc that canned soup ain't nothin but spoonfuls of sodium.

This stew is thick as fuck and tasty as hell. If you have never had a version of this Southern staple then GET THE FUCK ON IT.

SWEET TAP DANCING MOSES WHY IS IT SO HOT IN MAY? EARTH, YOU OKAY BUDDY? Keep your core temp down this unusually warm-as-balls spring with a bowl of our cold sesame noodles.

Summertime is the best time for fruit but don’t limit that shit to only dessert. Grill up whateverthefuck looks good and throw it in a salad or on some grains.

When you’re feelin’ sick, you might immediately reach for tomato soup. That’s fine, but basic, so maybe consider this shit: parsnips. They’ve got a bunch of fiber and vitamins, plus this soup is what we can only describe as velvety as fuck.