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Ya know how you lied and said you’d actually bring something to the party this time? FUCKING DO IT. Did someone else bring a pasta salad?

Have you ever seen the living nightmare mascot for Hamburger Helper? That shit is terrifying. But ya know what's worse than that?

Burgers are so bland that’s why you basically gotta dress that shit up with a salad after you grill it. CUT OUT THE MIDDLE MEAT AND JUST GRILL A SALAD. 

Tired of the same old mayo-mess of pasta salad spoiling in the summer sun? Ditch that cream colored bullshit and get with this fiber rich son of a bitch.

Got some less-than-fresh veggies taking up valuable real estate in your fridge? Don’t toss them in the trash, roast those bitches. Just because something’s old doesn’t mean it’s worthless so CALL YOUR GRANDPARENTS.

While common in other parts of the world, most of North America keeps yogurt firmly in the sweet category. Let’s change that shit.